Dave Barry on Mall of America

I love, love, love this billboard. I think it should be a t shirt.

I just read this in an old Dave Barry column, orginally published July 22, 2001:

Other than that, our trip to Minnesota was great. The highlight was our trip to the Mall of America, which bills itself as "the largest fully enclosed retail and family entertainment complex in the United States." How big is the Mall of America? Here's an actual quote from the mall's official list of Fun Facts: "258 Statue of Libertys could lay inside the Mall."

Where I come from, that's what we call a LOT of Statue of Libertys.

Fully enclosed spaces are popular in Minnesota, where winter lasts an average of 17 months. So the Mall of America is a huge hit. According to the promotional literature, it draws more visitors every year than the Grand Canyon, which of course is not enclosed (you wonder what they were thinking when they built it).

Also, the Grand Canyon offers very limited shopping, whereas the Mall of America has more than 500 stores. I got the impression there were at least 10 stores devoted just to refrigerator magnets. Also, every 35 feet there's a store selling food. So basically you have thousands of people circulating around, shopping and chewing. It's the ultimate American vacation experience. The only thing that would improve it is if you could rent burros, the way you can in the Grand Canyon, so you could shop and chew in a seated position.

In the middle of the Mall of America is - I swear - an amusement park. It has a roller coaster and various other rides, so that if you get tired of shopping and chewing, you can get sick.

I actually enjoy Mall of America, but I will admit this is fairly accurate. And I'm completely on board with the burro idea.